Ogrekill
by advisor0
Summary: In a world ruined by the mob boss, Shrek, an unlikely team must fight to take him down and save the world from the onion cruncher!
1. The First Invasion

It was a normal day for the mob boss, Shrek. He counted his money behind his desk, crunching the layers of an onion he was peeling slowly. That was when Pedobear rushed in and yelled in panic, "Shrek! The officers have come!" Shrek turned around to meet the eyes of the scared bear. "Send out our best employees and put 'em to a stop." He said, calm and collected. Pedobear saluted Shrek before saying, "I will, sir Shrek!" Shrek nodded. "Good, go."

Some distance away, a door is kicked open with a big slam. A gun entered soon being followed by its owner. "We must search every inch for Shrek, and take him out." A certain clown, Ronald McDonald, said. A small, green haired girl with four pigtails walked in. "Alright, uncle Ronald!" She said. Yet another person walked in, a superhero named Spider-Man, he had a handful of pizza boxes. "Pizza time." The first enemy opposing them was gnome. "I'm g'not a g'noblin. I'm g'not a g'nelf. I'm a g'nome, and you've been..." He pulled out an SMG. "...Gnomed!" He immediately started shooting and the three took cover.

Spider-Man immediately shrugged and in a retarded way said, "How do I shot web?" Yotsuba shrugged as well. "I dunno lol." She replied. Ronald grabbed and threw Yotsuba over. She used her 404 abilities to not be found, and kicked the Gnome. "Get outta here!" She said. The Gnome yelled, "G'niggered!" Ronald quickly ran over and put his gun to the gnome's face. "I'm giving you one chance." Ronald's hand went around the trigger. "Where is Shrek at?" The gnome, being stupid, answered with, "Get gnome-", but before he could finish, the clown shot him between the eyes, and blew his brains out. "Dumbass gnomes only want to gnome people." He said before advancing forward with his team.

Once they made it to the next area, they saw a Supreme Gentleman sitting alone, sipping from a trophy that said, "#1 Supreme Gentleman." It was Elliot Rodger, the god of the incels. "Chads! I see Chads, and a soon to be Stacy!" He held them at gun point. Ronald, being the hamburger happy clown, immediately shoved a Big Mac into his mouth and disarmed the twenty-two year old. "Ssshh, or I'll feed your virginity to your boss." Elliot Rodger complied simply because he didn't want any of that gay shit taking away his Supreme Gentleman award. Ronald threw Elliot out of the way. Unbeknownst to the group, Shrek had come up from behind and before any of them could react, his neck had wrapped around Yotsuba tightly. "Guns down, or she dies." He pointed in a demanding way. Ronald was at a moral dilemma, let him kill Yotsuba and take out the enemy, or drop the weapons... He chose the latter and dropped the weapon. Suddenly, from behind, Shadow hits a pressure point. "Nothin' personnel kid." Ronald was knocked out, hitting the floor with a loud thud.

The three later woke up in a prison. A voice of a lazy man is heard. "Mornin' fellas." It was Patrick Star, on a couch beside some tally marks on the wall that read 100. "Well you're probably here to stay forever." Patrick sighed. "Don't go close to Jar Jar Binks, he has an extreme fart fetish." He pointed to someone in the corner. "Mesa Jar Jar. Drop the soap please." Jar Jar said, his disturbing smiled saying every evil thing he wanted to do to his cellmates. "Ran ran ruu, I'm fucked." Ronald said.

How will Ronald, Yotsuba, and Spider-Man get out of this situation? Find out next time!


	2. The Escape

Outside the prison, two cats were battling outside. Speedy Cat, a yellow blur, and a poptart cat, Nyan Cat, sped by each other repeatedly. There were turrets firing and missing at the two. Soon enough, them exchanging missed shots came to an end. Their heads collided, and a shockwave was set off, going straight at the building, destroying the turrest and cracking the building. Below the battle, Patrick observed a hole in the wall caused by the extreme battle. "Seems I lied, we will be leaving." He said, Ronald remarked the size, "None of use can fit, though."

Yotsuba stepped up. "I can fit." Patrick's eyes went to Yotsuba, noticing her possible age. "Pedobear is out there though, and he can smell kids." Patrick noted, which warranted Ronald to reply with, "She's combat trained, don't worry." Patrick shrugged before going back to his couch. Ronald then boosted Yotsuba up to the hole, and she climbed through, landing stealthily behind some boxes. Pedobear, like Patrick warned, was there. "I smell a child..." He looked to Yotsuba's direction, scaring the girl. "H-He might overpower me..." A pair of tentacles came down and went around Pedobear's head and snapped his neck with a loud crack. Then someone slid down. "Haha, too easy." A nasally voice said.

"Comrade Squidward! What are you doing here?!" Yotsuba said. Squidward jumped to her direction. "Tracking Shrek." The little girl came closer. "I'm here for him too!" Squidward was surprised, and smiled. "Shrek is just behind this door. Wanna help me?" Yotsuba nodded. Squidward and Yotsuba positioned themselves, and kicked the door. "Nani?!" Shrek said, turning from his money. He got a view of both the octopus and the five year old. One wilding a machine gun, the other having a handgun respectively. "Ready to die, Shrek?" Squidward yelled, smiling smugly. The sound of the machine gun revving up scared Shrek shitless. As it fired, Shrek instinctively flipped his desk to defend himself and his money. Little did the two know, Shrek scooped his money into a trap door, and went down it himself before covering and closing it. Yotsuba had thrown a grenade, and it exploded once it landed.

Squidward held his machine gun to his face, and blew some smoke off of it. Yotsuba smiled. "We got him!" The two high five'd before going to check. "Yup, he's gone. Let's free the others." That's when Nyan Cat and Speedy Cat crashed through the walls narrowly avoiding the two. "The fuck?!" Squidward yelled. The cats bounced off the walls like bouncy balls. Squidward, quickly thinking, grabbed Yotsuba and rolled out before the room collapsed due to the felines striking the walls with all their force. The two ran away to the cells, soon liberating the group. "Hurry, two crazy ass cats just destroyed Shrek's office!" Squidward said. Other prisoners were liberated. They all ran out with the main four. Once out, they looked back to see the two cats wrecking the place, causing several parts of the building to collapse.

"We better get out of here, our higher ups will have to deal with those two." Ronald said. The cats continued their destructive battle, while the four ran away to a safe distance to not get caught up in the fight. They didn't even know why the two were fighting...

Will the group learn that Shrek faked his death? Will the cats be stopped? Find out next time!


	3. The Recruitment

A few weeks had passed since the mission to kill Shrek was "completed." Activity from Shrek had been detected, coming from a casino. The casino in specific was the garlic casino owned by someone like Shrek, named Drek. He was a blue ogre created by Lord Farquaad to turn Shrek's followers to him. Some think Drek is only an alias Shrek made up to keep low profile.

Meanwhile, the four that carried out the mission were all at a Domino's, eating none other than pizza. The Pizza Theme was blasting loudly to the point it was to the point that the police should have been called, but, of course, these four were the law, in a way, so they'd ignore how illegally loud there music was. Squidward recited a flute version of the Pizza Theme. That was when Burger King stepped in. "Ronald! The king is here!" He yelled louder than the music. Ronald hopped out of his seat, "This isn't the time, Burger King!" Burger King flipped out a knife. "I'm not here to fight fair, I'm here to kill you-" He didn't finish his sentence, slipping in a puddle of water and plunging his knife into his eye, killing him. "That's one less problem off our backs." Squidward said before going back to playing his clarinet.

Meanwhile with Shrek... "Alright, how much shall you offer for le services." A familiar frog said, sitting across from Shrek's desk. Shrek tapped his fingers on the desk, thinking while taking a big munch out of an onion. "I'll pay one grand for each you kill." Pepe raised a "brow." "Lives cost more than a thousand dollars, newfag. Raise le price." His had a smug look. Shrek growled, sort of annoyed by the frog's words. "Fine. 10 grand for each." The annoyance in his voice was obvious. "Feels good, man. I'll take them out, just show me le pics." The frog held his hand out and Shrek handed him a folder. He looked through it repeatedly. "You seriously can't kill a depressed octopus, and a child yourself?" He had a look of disapproval. "Whatever, I'm getting paid for it." He went out.

Shrek grabbed the paper he had beside him, and read out, "Shaggy, come in." A scrawny looking man came in. "Like, you called, Shrek man?" He said in his usual stoned voice. Shrek immediately started laughing until his throat was caught in Shaggy's hand. "What's so funny, punk?" Shrek was scared shitless. "N-Nothing, in fact, you're hired!" Shaggy threw Shrek back. "Good choice." He walked out.

Meanwhile, at the Domino's, Patrick came in. "You guys, it turns out... Shrek survived." He said slowly. "And there might be a garlic munching monster like him..." He added. "We killed him for sure!" Squidward sounded suprised. "Nope, turns out there was a trap door and a tunnel. We found dropped money and onions down there, which means he isn't dead." Ronald face palms and sighs. "We've been on sixty-eight hunts for him... Why won't he just die!" Ronald said in frustration. A small skeleton stepped up. "Sans Undertale here. I wanna help you kill Shrek." Someone else stepped up. "I'll help you, and be hailed as a god." It was Bluster Kong, the richest ape around. Ronald was skeptical of the two, but he let them help him.

Will the team be able to battle with Shrek's mercenaries? And who is Drek? Find out next time on Ogrekill!


	4. The Garlic Casino

It had been hours after the teams had been assembled. Ronald had decided that the team shall set out immediately, they went to the Garlic Casino, searching for clues. Quite a few people were there, betting onions, money, and garlic on card games and slot machines. Bluster Kong brought out a wallet full of so much cash, it might as well have been destroyed. He then gave Ronald a small loan of a million dollars to bet with to attract the casino owner, Drek.

Ronald slammed the million dollars onto a table. At this table, they were playing a game of Poker. Ronald was good at Poker, so he knew he'd win. That was when the smell of garlic polluted the room. Several people fled in fear. "The hell? Is that... Garlic?" Squidward said as the garlic smell became more and more intense by the second.

That's when a pair of doors got kicked off their hinges and getting vaporized. Lights showed the silhouette of an ogre. Everyone pointed guns. "Oh, resistance I see?" The voice belonged to none other, but Drek. He stepped out, revealing his blue skin. "You all are ogre the top!" He teleported to the table in a second. "You betted so much money, and now, you have betted your virginity." The blue ogre smiled evilly, "If you lose, I get to destroy your sweet ass cheeks." He added. "Are you... Shrek?" Sans Undertale said. "Ogre me dead body! Shrek is my enemy! I'd drek you up for even saying his name, but you seem new here, so I'll let you pass for now." Drek cackled.

Ronald pulled a gun. "I'm not risking my virginity, vile ogre." Everyone else pulled out their weapons except Bluster, who was a weak coward. Drek smiled and said, "I see I'll have to wreck all your asses!" Drek immediately attacked, grabbing Ronald and Squidward. His boner grew... That's when another challenger entered the building and uppercuts Drek, flinging him backwards until he smashed into a wall. "Zoinks, like, you might be a challenge Drek." It was Shaggy the Destroyer, the group scrambled back when Shaggy looked at them. "I'll get with you all next." His smile showed great power and they feared it. Drek got up, wiping blood that was going down his mouth. "Nice shot, laddie, but it will take more than that." He rushed, and threw a punch, but Shaggy dodged, letting him hit a slot machine. Shaggy then shoved Drek's face into the slot machine before grabbing it and throwing it into the air.

Drek, enraged already, ripped the machine in two off of his head, and tried to hit Shaggy with it, getting a direct hit on his face. Shaggy seemed unfazed even though the concrete floor had cracked right below him, he was then sent flying by the second hit from the other half of the machine. He turned to the team. "Now, where were we-" He was punched by Shaggy, going straight through several tables. "Like, man, that actually kind of hurt." He said before cracking his fists. "Seems I'll have to go all out." He rushed forward and threw a punch, but Drek blocked with his own punch. The two then exchanged a flurry of punches. Ronald snuck up from behind and shot the back of Drek's knee, causing him to fall and receive one thousand punches. Spider-man then slapped the shit out of Shaggy's long and tender neck, basically knocking him out. Drek, on the verge of death, raises his middle finger before being shot repeatedly by Yotsuba. Sans Undertale grabbed a map off of Drek. It lead to Shrek. "Woah, is that map?" There was a note as well, it read, "The Dreklings shall revive me. They always do. Get drekt scrubs." They poured gas on Drek, and used the note to set him on fire safely.

The map displayed a landscape, meaning the group had to travel to find Shrek... From the roof, Pepe watched the group as they exited. "They defeated Shaggy... But didn't kill him... How strange." He observed, being quite the intellectual. He wasn't sure he could kill those who had mercy...

How shall the group make their way to Shrek? Will Pepe kill his targets? Find out next time on Ogrekill!


	5. The Ranch

The group came upon the first area on the map. It was a ranch, but not just any ranch, it was Ram Ranch, a place full of wild cowboys who loved other cowboys(The ultimate wet dream)! The cowboys were all out in the yard, not engaging in homosexual behavior for now. Eighteen of them ran up to the gates to greet the team. "What do we have here?" One of the cowboys, Grant, said. "Uh, were on a journey, and need to defeat Shrek." The cowboy nodded. "Well, howdy! Shrek's been terrorizing the young cowboys here for a while! We'll gladly let you go by!" The blades of helicopter were heard and black Ford Raptor trucks pulled up. "Get ya cocks out boys, the marines are here!"

The group was dragged in, and brought to a hiding spot. "What's going on?!" Squidward said, concerned. "Ram Ranch is under siege... Under lockdown!" Grant said. "US marines are gonna fuck Ram Ranch cowboy butts!" There we thirty-six marines exactly, they had guns, armor, and big cocks, and they weren't afraid to use them on the poor residents of Ram Ranch. The six sat in wait, listening to the sound of cowboys moaning in fear. "We can't just sit here!" Ronald yelled. "Those marines will fuck us until were purple if we go out!" Bluster Kong replied, he shivered in fear. Everyone was frightened when the door blew open. A godlike voice called out, "Wanna Sprite Cranberry?" Lebron James stepped in and the room instantly transformed into a Christmas themed room. A marine attacked him, but he grabbed his neck and snapped it. He then threw everyone a Sprite Cranberry, and helped the six out of the room.

Everyone pulled their weapons as they saw the hard cocks of the US marines. They were all anal trained, so they had to be careful in taking them out. The marines attacked fiercely, but were quickly dispatched until reinforcements came. They circled everyone at Ram Ranch. One of the soldiers removed his mask, revealing Bill Cosby with pudding pops. He licked his lips in anticipation, but before the marines could fuck the butts of the forty-two(counting the cowboys), a ship arrived, using a tractor beam, it picked everyone up. The soldiers quickly shot at the strange aircraft, but the ship survived for long enough to get them all away.

Once the ship was landed, the six got out. "Hurry and run, the marines will track us eventually!" Grant said. Ronald gave them a Big Mac of power. "Use this, and you'll destroy them without an issue." Ronald said with a smile. "Thanks for saving our butts, Mr. cowboy man." Yotsuba said. In the sky, Speedy Cat and Nyan Cat raced, before a third cat intervened, and got in the fight. It was none other than Tac Nayn, an evil being of the cosmos, there to bring more destruction to the battle. Shaggy was awake once more, and was coming for the six, who all still had a long way to go...

Will they make it, or shall they perish, and be put on Shrek's wall? Why did Lebron James appear at such a good time, and where did he go? Where shall the battle of the cats lead? Find out next time on Ogrekill...


	6. The School

The trip was so brutal already. Getting attacked by the US marines was only the beginning. They saw a school nearby that had people in it. It blocked the way to the next place so they had to go through it. Ronald ringed a bell and showed his badge before entering. The school was normal, and had students roaming the halls. Spider-Man pointed to a sign. "We're in Columbine High School, it seems." They walked around, looking for an exit to the back. They all got slapped and battered out of the way by a young man wearing an eye-bleedingly bright shirt that said "Ouch!"

Squidward got up, and yelled angrily, "Watch where you're going, barnacle head!" The man, a Chad, turned and at an extremely high speed came back to Squidward, but before he could assault the octopus, the lights started flickering quickly. Fog filled the room. Chad didn't look scared though, and proceeded to ear piercingly scream, "YOU BETTER NOT TALK LIKE THAT TO ME." A familiar twenty-two year old stepped out from a bathroom. It was the incel, Elliot Rodger. "The day of retribution has come... My revenge is now. You all shall pay for not giving me sex with a white blonde girl..." He aimed a gun, and shot at Chad, who caught the bullet with his teeth. That's when the lights' flickering became faster and faster before they burst. The fog became heavier. "I don't like where this is going..." Sans Undertale said.

From the fog, a figure was seen. No, two figures. They appeared to have numerous weapons. A pipe bomb rolled out, everyone ran for their lives, and Chad got blown up by it. The supernatural entities stepped closer. They had trenchcoats and shirts saying, "Natural Selection" and "Wrath." Their faces were obscured by fog. Elliot joined the two, cocking his gun. They opened fire on students running by. Squidward fired his machine gun at the spirits(but not Elliot Rodger), but found it had no effect on them. "Shit, those are ghosts!" Squidward yelled. "It's the fourth of April, and thus, the twentieth anniversary of... The Columbine shooting!" Ronald said, before running. Everyone followed. Another spirit appeared. It was Tranny Phantom, he fired, but missed. A song blasted throughout the school on the intercom. It was an eerie version of the song, Pumped Up Kicks.

Sans couldn't keep up, and met face to face with the malevolent spirits. It was none other, but Eric and Dylan, here to wrap up some unfinished business with the school. Reb shot Sans once, injuring him. "Come on, we must set up the bomb." Elliot said. Tranny Phantom appeared, and yelled, "Let's do this shit!" in the most autistic way possible. He went to the library, and started shooting people who were there, while Eric and Dylan focused on putting a bomb in the cafeteria where more people were hiding. This wasn't some small bomb, it was a large one. One that would destroy most of the school. Sans was close to the bomb, but couldn't do a thing but watch it. The bomb had a timer ticking down. Ronald got a view of it, and ran for the exits. "We have two minutes to get out of here!" He yelled. The five searched the halls where there were dead bodies of those who had already fallen victim to the shooters. They eventually found the exit, but had to leave Sans behind. He got to watch the bomb go off, and kill him... Nyan Cat, Tac Nayn, and Speedy Cat happened to fly by. As the bomb went off, Speedy Cat got knocked into it, getting incinerated. The bomb took the life of the only living shooter there, Elliot Rodger, as well. The five who got away had a moment of silence for Sans Undertale, sad for his death, and hoping it was quick and painless for him.

Will the journey get more brutal? It really will. Stay tuned for more of Ogrekill!


	7. The Grinch

The group came upon the foot of a mountain. "I brought some gear for this." Ronald took out a bag, and handed out stuff for climbing a mountain. They went up the mountain slowly. That's when the spotted an escalator nearby. "Fuck this shit, let's go up that." Squidward said.

Everyone put their gear away, and took a small trek to the extremely long escalator. The mountain was quite tall, so it'd take some time to get up it by the escalator. Bodies of the unfortunate people who tried to climb the mountain instead of taking the escalator littered the mountain. It was depressing, really. They were all determined people at once, now skeletons to lie on the mountain forever. It turns out that they didn't die by themselves though. A malevolent force on the mountain killed them. A green and furry monster of extreme power. The ruiner of Christmas, the demonic force behind Grinch day. He was as cuddly as a cactus, had termites in his smiled, and was as ugly as an eel. It was none other, but the evil Grinch himself. His heart's size had went down four times a few years ago.

Luckily, Spider-Man brought pizza for a pizza time. They ate the pizza for a while. It took approximately forty-three minutes before they made it to the top, and saw the green furry creature who sat at the top. He had his back turned away from them. As they stepped off the escalator and crunched the snow with their feet, he turned. "Imbeciles! How dare you step onto my home!" His piss yellow eyes met theirs. "Who might you be?" Ronald said, taking a step forward. "I'm the Grinch! Now prepare to join those who have died here on this mountain!" He pulled a icethrower, and shot liquid nitrogen at them. They took cover behind some snow walls. Ronald tried to shoot at him, but his bullets were frozen midair. Everyone tried to shoot him, but he just froze their bullets midair too. There wasn't much hope in defeating him unless a miracle happened and it didn't seem like one was happening. He was getting closer and closer by the second. If they didn't do anything, he'd freeze them, and throw them down the mountain to their deaths. That's when the sound of a sniper rifle sounded off.

A unforseen miracle had come. Everyone looked up to see the Grinch's arm leaking a large amount of blood onto the ground. He accidentally froze his leg due to being unable to control the icethrower. They saw above him, a frog... it was Pepe the frog! He hopped down to the Grinch with a swiss army knife, ready to stab him, but Snow surrounded the Grinch slowly until it formed a shell around him, and kept growing bigger. Eventually, a giant Snow Grinch was formed, a monster of destructive power formed from the Grinch's hate. The Snow Grinch roared out in anger. Pepe looked to the five who were petrified. "Don't just stand there, help destroy le Snow Grinch." They got ready, taking out their weapons. Well, all except Bluster Kong who hid like a pussy behind some snow, shaking out of fear.

How shall they defeat the snowy menace? Why did Pepe save them in their time of need? Find out next time, on Ogrekill!


	8. The Snow Grinch

The Grinch roared once more, trying to dominate the whole situation. The snow surrounding his body would have to be knocked off before they could get to the man himself. The Grinch stomped towards Pepe. Squidward opened fire on the Grinch's legs to give Pepe some time to get back. Everyone started firing, breaking a shell before the Grinch started freezing bullets and firing them back as ice. He formed ice around his body around too, making his armor thicker. He tried to smash Ronald McDonald, and did so successfully, knocking him out, and kicking him aside. He would freeze him later when the chance arose.

Pepe pulled out a grenade, but before he could pull the pin and throw it, The Grinch breathed ice onto him, and froze his froggy ass. The Grinch then dived deep into the snow. Nobody could tell where he went at all. Everyone started shooting the ground. That's when blood squirted up from the ground as another challenger came in. It was Patrick Star, here to save the day. He had a bazooka. The Grinch came back, the snow reinforcing him once again. Patrick put his bazooka aside and threw himself at a high speed, slicing through the snow. The Grinch grabbed him up, and ripped off Patrick's arms, causing two new Patricks to form. They all did what the original Patrick did.

Yotsuba was working on getting Pepe out of the ice when one of the Patricks hit the ice, and shattered a bit of it, fortunately not hurting Pepe. Squidward came by and revved up his machine gun and shot at the ice, managing to carve it enough to the point Pepe could free himself. He got up and looked around. "Le thanks." He pulled the pin of the grenade and threw it, sticking it into the Snow Grinch's back. It blew up, throwing the Grinch out. The two Patricks then restrained him, and Pepe ran up and stabbed him repeatedly. The Grinch was bleeding profusely. Ronald had awakened, and kicked the Grinch down the mountain. He got stabbed by several rocks, bones, and once at the bottom, he broke his neck with a loud thud. The Grinch had been vanquished. Ronald pulled out his map. It ended there. He was confused. Pepe took the map.

"This is le fake map." He took out a real one, which had more destinations to go to. Ronald was surprised. He had been bamboozled... "Drek must've had plans to kill Shrek too, but had the wrong map... This is what Shrek planned! He knew people would come up here and get killed by the Grinch!" Spider-Man said, putting his fingers up to his face. They looked at the places they'd be going. "This trip's longer than I thought." Ronald put his finger on the map, "But we can do it!" Patrick came up and stated, "I'm joining you on the journey." Pepe came up after. "I am too." He smiled smugly.

Meanwhile with Shrek, he was still hiring mercenaries. Another frog stepped in. It was Kermit the frog. "Hi ho, Kermit the frog here." Kermit sat down. "So I hear you Pepe's brother, and you trained with him?" Shrek said, Kermit nodded. "So you have the same talents?" Shrek questioned further. "I specialize in melee weapons, actually." Kermit replied. Shrek wrote his name down on a list. "You're hired. Call in... Crazy Frog? Dear god, security!" The said frog bursted in. "BING BING." Shrek started screaming like a naked man who just dropped the soap at prison. Security quickly came, but was beat up by Crazy Frog. He continued making noises until Shrek said yes...

Now that the group has the right map, what shall they face? What will these new agents of Shrek's bring to the table? Find out next time on Ogrekill!


	9. The Death Camp, Auschwitz

It had been a few minutes since the death of the Jim Carrie Grinch. The group had decided to rest for some time, knowing the journey was going to be very much tiring. They then went to the escalator, and went down it, which took a bunch of time. Once at the foot of the mountain, the snow was gone. Up ahead was yet another infamous place. It was historical and still running. It was Auschwitz, where many Jews met theit fate. It looked desolate at first glance, but upon closer inspection, there were officers patrolling, and jews being herded. That's when a monstrous creature fell from the sky. It was Matt the Mii, a lord of fitness, here to teach the unhealthy SS officers a lesson on fitness. He saw Ronald McDonald. "Lord of the diabetes? Here to fight me? Alright." He put on some boxing gear, ready to fight his enemy. Ronald took off his shirt, allowing a buff body to pour out. "If it's a fight you've ordered, Matt, it's a fight you're going to get!" Ronald rushed at Matt, and threw a fist.

Matt blocked it with his gloves before swinging at Ronald, hitting his side. SS officers were reporting to their higher-ups. Ronald then threw a series of punches and Matt returned a series of punches. "Should we interfer?" Yotsuba asked curiously. That's when a panzer tank rolled up. The lid popped up and out came Hitler. "Fegelien! Fegelien!" He yelled out at them. "Seems we have le company." Pepe said, aiming his sniper rifle. Hitler's tank transformed into a large robot for fighting. "Dear god." Patrick said, looking kind of like he just shit hit pants. Hitler then aimed a machine gun. That's when, from behind, Shaggy appeared, and ripped the robot in two. This caused an explosion, killing Hitler. "Like, zoinks, you all are easy money." He said, stepping out of smoke and fire, on fire himself. With one godlike hand movement, the fire was put it out. Bluster Kong had clumsily threw his Sprite Cranberry(Chapter 5, Ram Ranch) into the air, and it bursted on his head.

Lightning struck him, and a shockwave went off, blowing back SS officers, Shaggy, Matt, and his own team. He screamed loudly in his usual terrible voice before it smoothly transitioned into the suave, pussy destroying voice. He now had a gold chain, cool hair that stood high, and badass sunglasses. He was the picture of perfect. "Like, I'll destroy you easily, man." Shaggy said, crossing his arms. "That's where you're wrong, you'll stop, for I'm an irresistible force!" He was Leo Luster now. Shaggy went forward and punched Leo's chest, but the ape wasn't moved at all. His smug, yet cool smile basically told Shaggy to use more power. Shaggy then unleashed a flurry of punches. It went into the hundreds, thousands, millions, and eventually the googols, yet the handsome gorilla didn't flinch, he actually yawned. That's when Leo finally made a move, and said, "My turn, baby!" He slapped Shaggy, electrically shocking him, and sending him flying into a watch tower.

Meanwhile with Ronald and Matt, the other had gotten involved, Pepe used his godlike martial arts to dodge the Mii's attacks and stab him. In horror, everyone watched his wound close slowly. He was so fit, that it'd take more than a few bullets and stabs to take him down. Matt threw away his gloves, and swords sprouted from his hands. He started trying to slice at Pepe, but he lost a sword, and got stabbed through the chest. Matt just shattered the sword, feeling fine. Patrick aimed his bazooka and shot at Matt, but he flicked it into the air with his fingers so easily. The other Patrick's rushed and tried to restrain him. They did so, but were quickly losing their grip. Patrick fired again after loading, blowing Matt up. At the verge of death, Matt flies into the sky, but not before getting lit up by Squidward's machine gun.

Meanwhile, Shaggy got up, and rushed at Leo Luster before getting bitch slapped into the ground, and going through a bunker. He'd feign defeat for now, seeing as Leo Luster was too strong now. Ronald checked the map. "Oh dear god... Pedo Forest..." He looked up, and pointed out. "That's where every pedobear ever lives!" Yotsuba said in surprise. Squidward looked out, and pointed. "It's over there, unfortunately."

Will the gang survive Pedo Forest? Will Shaggy get his revenge? Is Hitler really kill? Find out next time, on Ogrekill!


	10. The Pedo Forest

The forest ahead was quite large, according to the map. From the forest, they eyes staring at them that soon fled back in once they seen. It was horrifying for everyone, especially Yotsuba, who was a legit five year old. They all knew they had to move forward, and they did. Stepping into the forest, immediately a Pedobear yelled, "The killers of Pedobear no. 403 have arrived, mercilessly assault their assholes, boys!" Pedrobear jumped out and said, "Cena de calamar!" before rushing at Squidward and tackling him down. Pedopanda came out slowly, and licked his lips. "I'm going eat you rike a dog." He said.

Several Pedobears ran up, and trapped the group. They were then taken to the middle of a village. Soon, a wealthy looking Pedobear came out. It was Pedomayor, he smiled. "Hm, we can fuck and eat these peope for days, even if some of them are a bit older than the usual stuff we get, but they killed an important Pedobear, and plan to kill Shrek, so we must kill them!" He declared. That's when every Pedo screamed and ran. "Oh dear god!" Pedomayor said, getting out of there quickly. Something was coming. It was none other than Brian Peppers. A song, "Burn! Bobonga! Burn!" blasted as he wheeled in. It was a warning to every pedo that the ultimate molester had come. When no one was in sight, Brian looked to the cages. It was then and there that he broke the cages purely by looking at them. Lebron James came up from behind, grabbing the wheel chair's handles, and leading Brian Peppers off. He then threw Brian off a cliff to his death. "It's the thirstiest time of the year, so have a Sprite Cranberry." He tossed out more Sprite Cranberries. He walked behind an extremely thin tree, and disappeared out of air. "That's the second time that guy saved us!" Ronald pointed out. Stomping was heard, and a giant was seen.

It was Realistic Pedobear, a demonic being prayed to by rogue Pedobears. Realistic Pedobear whipped out his hyper realistic bear cock, and swung it, but everyone jumped over it. It did it a few more times before slapping the ground and causing a shockwave to go off. Yet another pedo stepped up, this time, it was Jared Fogle, who rushed at the group before getting mushroom stamped into the ground by Realistic Pedobear. Ronald ran up the dick and climbed R. Pedobear. He tried to throw the clown, but before he could, Ronald grabbed his eye and ripped it straight out before putting a grenade in. He was then tossed off, hitting the ground. Realistic Pedobear roared loudly before having parts of his skull blown out. Despite the horrendous injuries he just attained, he continued stomping around before falling off the cliff Brian Peppers was thrown off of, most likely crushing Brian if he was even alive. Ronald drank his first Sprite Cranberry, and Pedobears rushed out. They swarmed his team, but Ronald didn't allow a single member to get touched. He had full on started a pedo killing spree, killing bears left and right. Dan Schneider appeared but his heart was ripped out and replaced with a bomb. His body was kicked into a large group of Pedobears, killing them when he exploded. Blood was basically raining as his fists chipped off several Pedobears.

Soon, he was seemingly getting overpowered by the bears, but he flew up, killing several in the process before smashing into the ground and incinerating any that were still on him. Ronald had killed most of the Pedobears. "Wow, if we all drink our Sprite Cranberries at the same time, maybe we can take on Shaggy!" Squidward said enthusiastically. Ronald's powers soon decreased back to the norm. The group exited the forest, every pedo who survived was too afraid to jump them. Reading the map showed where they were to go next, Shrek's hideout. There was smoke coming from it, and a lava moat. "This is it..." Yotsuba said, Spider-Man replying with, "Where there's smoke, there's fire."

Will the group get through Shrek's Hideout, and beat Shrek? Find out, next time on Ogrekill!


	11. The Duel of Enemies(Part 1)

The group stared at the huge hideout which was basically a castle. They knew the time was now, and they had to enter this building and bring down the evil ogre inside. Alarms immediately set off as they stepped foot inside, and an intercom blasted, "Every worker of Shrek's, get into position! Be ready to give your life for your ogrelord!" The first enemy appeared, Kermit. "Hi ho, Kermit the frog here." He said, looking at the group. His eyes landed on Pepe's. "Hey, brother, how's le ogre been treating you?" He said, smiling smugly. Kermit laughed at this question, "He treats me fine, I even get paid. How about you?" He pulled out a katana. Pepe pulled out his own. They looked at each other for a few seconds before lunging out. Their blades met with a loud clank, the two then started to go extremely fast, trying to slice at each other. It was hard for anyone to keep up with due to the wicked speed.

Interference definitely was a bad idea, the two frogs were so fast, it was insane. Crazy Frog joined the fray, getting in the way of the two and dodging the attacks. He then got on his invisible motor cycle and drove at Pepe. The frog's target grabbed Kermit before plunging a blade inside of him. Crazy ran over Kermit, and then drove off into lava. Their froggy insides burned. Pepe took out a F-Key, and flipped it like a coin into the lava to show his respects to his brother who chose the wrong side. Burger King sprung up for the next round.

"You thought I was dead, huh, clown?" Burger King yelled, brandishing a shotgun. Ronald pulled out a magnum. A forcefield enclosed the two. It was 1v1 now. Ronald hid behind cover as BK opened fire, and loaded his gun. The two exchanged gunfire. Burger King managed to pepper Ronald's hand, hurting him. Burger King closed in. "Use your second Sprite Cranberry!" Yotsuba yelled out. Ronald did so, pouring it on his wound and drinking what remained. He threw his cover at BK who caught before crushing his own can of Bepis. "You thought that was a trump card?" BK laughed. The two proceeded to throw a flurry of punches at each other. Ronald caught BK's fist soon enough and applied pressure, crushing the hand and breaking several bones. Blood started to pour out before Ronald started slamming BK around. He then threw him to the floor, and yelled, "RAN RAN RUU!!" Burger King couldn't move, screaming out in pain as a barrage of burgers went assaulted his body, all of them piercing him. The final blow was a gigantic Big Mac, which came down like a spirit bomb, incinerating BK. The others were safe due to the forcefield.

The forcefield went down. Squidward stepped up and a lot of Spongebobs appeared. Spongebong Hempants, Spongeknob Squarenuts, Spingebill, Spongetron, and the original Spongebob attacked. Squidward pulled his machine gun and shot down Spingebill. The Fighting Spongebob Team all ran at Squidward and started to pummel him. Squidward was out matched... Until he started screaming. His body was bleeding all over, and his eyes were bloodshot in anger. He knocked every sponge off, and pulled out four chainsaws. He sawed Spongebong into small pieces of marijuana and smoked him before getting back to business. Time seemed to slow for him. Nothing hurt him either. He sawed off Spongeknob's hard cock, and stabbed him with it and kicked him into lava. He then the fuel tanks for the chainsaws and doused every sponge in gas before throwing a match and setting them all on fire. He promptly collapsed, and Ronald caught him. "That battle took a lot out of him." He said.

Will the other battle be this successful? Is Squidward ok? Find out next time on Ogrekill!


	12. The Duel of Enemies(Part 2)

The next room had a door, and a ring unlike the last one. It had emblems on the door showing a gorilla and a clover. A bone was there, but a huge line was etched into it, breaking it in half. Bluster Kong stepped in and smeared his hair with Sprite Cranberry, transforming into Leo Luster. Shaggy appeared and punched him in the back of the head, throwing him forward. The two got blocked in. Leo stood up. "That kind of hurt, squares." He adjusted his sun glasses. He pointed his finger and lightning struck down, but Shaggy dodged. Leo came forward and punched Shaggy once he dodged the wrong way. Shaggy recovered quickly. "Like, man, it'll be nice to have your skin as a coat." Shaggy replied. The two charged their fists and threw a punch. Their fists collided which let off a shock wave so powerful, it got out of the forcefield and hit the viewers.

Shaggy charged up a Kamehameha, and shot at Leo Luster, but he defected it with his hand. Leo Luster shot lightning, but Shaggy did the same as what he did. That's when Shaggy smiled. "Man, how about we call it quits for now and do this on a distant planet." Shaggy suggested, liking the percentage of power he's used to fight Leo Luster. The ape nodded. "That's cool with me." They stepped out. Yotsuba stepped in and looked around. "I guess I have no enemy." She shrugged, turned around, and suddenly Caillou was there. "I'M CAILLOU!" His demonic voice rang out as the forcefields came up. The two ran around the ring at the same speed. Toys appeared around the ring. Caillou grabbed a jump rope and wrapped it around Yotsuba's throat, trying to strangle her. Yotsuba got free, but she hadn't caught her breath when Caillou grabbed her pigtails and kneed her in the face. Yotsuba's nose was bleeding.

Yotsuba wiped her face and threw a Lego down as Caillou ran at her. He stepped on the Lego and then cried like a bitch. Yotsuba got a jump rope and did what he did to her, except she dragged him around as she did it. Yotsuba dropped him and grabbed out a knife. Caillou caught the large knife before it could be plunged into him and threw Yotsuba off. He roared autistically and sped forward, punching his opponent in her face. Caillou laughed at her pain. She pulled out her Sprite Cranberry, but Caillou took it. "This is mine, stupid!" He yelled in the most special way possible before downing the drink. Caillou felt a surge of energy go through him. He rushed at Yotsuba, and she braced for the fatal blow, but suddenly, LeBron James stepped in. "Kid, that wasn't meant for you." He grabbed the dumbass kid and dunked him through a basketball hoop, breaking his arms and legs. LeBron James disappeared. The clover sign on the door started to glow. "I'll spare you, Caillou, don't make me regret it!" She left the ring and Caillou disappeared.

The door opened up as the two emblems glowed. It opened up, revealing the next area, which was full of traps, obstacles, and Shreklets. They got out their weapons and ran through, dodging traps and killing Shreklets. The Shreklets attacked in swarms. That's when the group had kill enough, and heard a noise. All the Shreklets died and their spirits formed into a cloud which grew and grew. Soon, it took shape as Phantom Shrek. He roared and pulled out a club.

To be continued on Ogrekill!


	13. The World's Peril

Phantom Shrek immediately engaged the group, roaring in a distorted, Shrek-like voice. He swung his club around, and when it hit the ground, everyone let off bullets on him. Everyone emptied their magazines before realizing that bullets didn't work on Phantom Shrek. Tennis rackets were on the ground, and as they got them, a ball came at them. Squidward hit it, and it went to Phantom Shrek, whom struck it back. "Is this it?" Patrick Star said, laughing. Shreklets took Phantom Shrek's side of the court. The match was intense. That's when one of the balls hit Phantom Shrek, and he went down.

Patrick rushed up, and started pummeling Phantom Shrek. PS got up, and slapped Patrick across the room, slamming into Ronald, that's when Supaidaman learned how to shot web and threw Patrick back, slicing Phantom Shrek in two, killing him. Above them, they saw Nyan Cat and Tac Nayn. Patrick pulled up a scroll and read it repeatedly. "The prophecy.." Patrick paused. "It's coming true." Ronald grabbed the scroll. It showed a line of emblems, an ogre, and the cats, all separated by mathematical signs. It equalled death to all. "Shit, we need to stop the cats somehow!" Ronald looked around. "But how?" Supaidaman questioned quickly. "We'll use Shrek, somehow." Ronald replied.

They put the prophecy away and moved forward. Phantom Shrek's spirit started to circle, and formed a sphere. The remaining Shreklets watched in fear as none other than Drek appeared. "Oi there, cunts, prepare to die." He whipped out his ogre cock and beat them all to death using it. "Heh heh, time to track them fuckers down and take their virginity and lives as revenge." He wringed his hands and followed the group from behind until he realized this was Shrek's hideout. "I can kill two birds with one stone now, ehehe." The group came upon a room, and they saw a large throne-like office chair. It turned, and upon the throne was the ogre himself, Shrek. "Finally made it huh?" He laughed in his usual ogre voice. "You've kept me waiting." He had a wine glass full of what appeared to be onion juice. He threw this aside upon emptying it into his mouth and stood.

Drek then appeared behind the group. "I'm here too for when I kill these cunts." He said, staring at Shrek evilly. Shrek glared and jumped into the air before slamming his fists into the ground and scattering everyone except for Drek. The two roared at each other and rushed forward, their fists were thrown and collided. Drek got punched straight in the face, crashing through two walls before rushing back in. Drek roared and ran at Shrek, getting punched aside. "I've always been superior to you, Drek. Why do you try?" Shrek said, pulling a stake out and jabbing it into Drek's head. He then smashes Drek's skull with his forehead, and rips Drek's head off brutally. Shrek turned to the group who had gotten up. "Your turn." Ronald said, pointing. Shrek simply laughed before shrugging and shaking his head. "You don't seem to get it, laddeh, I am the ogrelord!" Shrek roared loudly, pushing Ronald back. Patrick ran up, "One watermelon, fresh from the manure field!" He said, dropping a melon into Shrek's mouth. Shrek cracked the melon in two, but got kicked in the dick by Supaidaman and getting slashed on the chest by Pepe. Ronald McDonald started to shove hambagas into Shrek's mouth, filling him up grossly. Yotsuba stabbed Shrek's eye with the stake that had Drek's head on it. Shrek jumped up high, and grabbed Nyan Cat and Tac Nayn, who were just fighting and smashed them down onto the ground, preparing to use them as living weapons. He squeezed, forcing them to shoot out their rainbows. Everyone took cover. The two cats then shot rainbows at full power, dragging Shrek.

His body was too much for the cats. The two cats descended towards the lava moat with Shrek. They tried to get free, but couldn't. Shrek caused them to sink into the lava with him. They perished. The group grabbed Shrek's money and prepared to leave, but two beacons shot up from the lava though, piercing the sky. That's when the form of two cats rose up. It was Long Cat and Tac Gnol. The two meow so loudly, it shakes the lava moat and shakes the land. "Dear god..." Pepe stuttered. "This is the end of all." Long Cat came speeding by like a bullet train, Ronald forced them to get on. He sped towards Tac Gnol, who approached slowly, his dark tendrils reaching out. Everyone pulled out their Sprite Cranberries. "We have to use these now..." Squidward said, looking to Tac Gnol.

Will the group stop the end? Find out next time on Ogrekill!


End file.
